Came across this lovely link earlier and thought I would share it:
Enjoy!
Sunday 22 August 2010
Tuesday 17 August 2010
are there any Godly men out there?
Hi ladies,
ever have one of those days where you feel like there just arent any men out there stepping up to their Godly calling?
ever think there just aren't enough Godly men in the church?
ever feel like your holding out for an ideal that just isnt realistic?
well ......... I've been there. sometimes its hard to keep on going with pruity, modesty, humility and all those other atributes we proverbs 31 women are striving for, we look around and wonder whats the point especially when it appears:
1) there are so few christian men,
2) the christian men we do have are settling for non christian women (a problem which works the other way too),
3) men have been so stripped of their warrior spirit that they have just stopped trying,
4) some of these men are settling for the world's view of dating instead of God's intended courtship.
Well whether you are awaiting a godly husband yourself or praying for your daughters and other young women in your life, i want to encourage you that these men we are searching for are out there. Today Jo and I were discussing this problem and were feeling slightly down hearted about it; what is the point in encouraing young girls to strive for greater things, to wait for a man who will truly honour her, will live by God's standards and to set her heart on being the wife and mother God called her to be when really there are so few guys out there who fit this criteria.
Firstly as i was browsing the wonderful blogging world that ive recently discoverd i came upon this http://themaledomain.blogspot.com/, a blog for men seeking to be these warriors we women are searching for; men who treat their wives with deep respect, love her in the way God loves his bride, who raise their children to be God fearing, who protect their daughters and encourage their sons to be the Godly men they are called to be, men who are searching for their proverbs 31 woman. This was such a relief to me today and i want to tell you there are guys out there who are looking for respectable Godly women, so keep working towards your hearts desire becasue the future wife of some of these men could be you. 'Delight yourself in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart' psalm 37:4.
My second thought for today; sat beside us where 4 wonderful boys, boys who are being trained to seek the heart of God, to honour women and to set their eyes on higher things. These boys may be too young for courtship right now but what a joy it is to know that when we young women marry and have daughters there will be God honouring men for them to marry. And as for our future sons, it is our responsibility to train them to be the kind of men we would pray our daughters marry. On God tv today i heard the phrase 'you cannot change a culture without changing the hearts of the individual'. It is our responsibility not to complain that there aren't enough Godly men out there but instead to look at the men around us (whether young or old) and consider how we can pray for their hearts and how we can encourage them in their walk with God. Looking at the big piture is often helpful but in this case i think its best to start small, look at how God can use you to change one person's heart rather than how you can change a culture set in its ways. It may be that you decided to pray for and encourage the guys in your youth group, your brothers or other male relatives or you may pray for the mother's of young boys as they take on the task of raising Godly sons.
So when we are having one of these days there are two things we can do:
firstly - remember not to generalise, it may feel like there arent any Godly guys out there but there really are.
secondly - look around you and discover what your responsibility is for the men in your life right now.
ever have one of those days where you feel like there just arent any men out there stepping up to their Godly calling?
ever think there just aren't enough Godly men in the church?
ever feel like your holding out for an ideal that just isnt realistic?
well ......... I've been there. sometimes its hard to keep on going with pruity, modesty, humility and all those other atributes we proverbs 31 women are striving for, we look around and wonder whats the point especially when it appears:
1) there are so few christian men,
2) the christian men we do have are settling for non christian women (a problem which works the other way too),
3) men have been so stripped of their warrior spirit that they have just stopped trying,
4) some of these men are settling for the world's view of dating instead of God's intended courtship.
Well whether you are awaiting a godly husband yourself or praying for your daughters and other young women in your life, i want to encourage you that these men we are searching for are out there. Today Jo and I were discussing this problem and were feeling slightly down hearted about it; what is the point in encouraing young girls to strive for greater things, to wait for a man who will truly honour her, will live by God's standards and to set her heart on being the wife and mother God called her to be when really there are so few guys out there who fit this criteria.
Firstly as i was browsing the wonderful blogging world that ive recently discoverd i came upon this http://themaledomain.blogspot.com/, a blog for men seeking to be these warriors we women are searching for; men who treat their wives with deep respect, love her in the way God loves his bride, who raise their children to be God fearing, who protect their daughters and encourage their sons to be the Godly men they are called to be, men who are searching for their proverbs 31 woman. This was such a relief to me today and i want to tell you there are guys out there who are looking for respectable Godly women, so keep working towards your hearts desire becasue the future wife of some of these men could be you. 'Delight yourself in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart' psalm 37:4.
My second thought for today; sat beside us where 4 wonderful boys, boys who are being trained to seek the heart of God, to honour women and to set their eyes on higher things. These boys may be too young for courtship right now but what a joy it is to know that when we young women marry and have daughters there will be God honouring men for them to marry. And as for our future sons, it is our responsibility to train them to be the kind of men we would pray our daughters marry. On God tv today i heard the phrase 'you cannot change a culture without changing the hearts of the individual'. It is our responsibility not to complain that there aren't enough Godly men out there but instead to look at the men around us (whether young or old) and consider how we can pray for their hearts and how we can encourage them in their walk with God. Looking at the big piture is often helpful but in this case i think its best to start small, look at how God can use you to change one person's heart rather than how you can change a culture set in its ways. It may be that you decided to pray for and encourage the guys in your youth group, your brothers or other male relatives or you may pray for the mother's of young boys as they take on the task of raising Godly sons.
So when we are having one of these days there are two things we can do:
firstly - remember not to generalise, it may feel like there arent any Godly guys out there but there really are.
secondly - look around you and discover what your responsibility is for the men in your life right now.
Saturday 14 August 2010
treasure in heaven
For probably three weeks i have been trying to write a post about Titus 2 and how i feel it is my role as an unmarried woman to put myself in a position where i can learn from older women. I should have known how this would work out - i could not do it. But having just read Jo's beautiful post 'little mothers' i was instantly inspired and responded in a way more natural to me, God instantly put the words in my heart which express everything i had originally intended to write but couldnt find the way to do so. I am grateful for the opportunities God has given me to practice at being a mother because i know this is an investment not only in my earthly future but in heaven also. Investing in the people around me gives me the opportunity to be a blessing, to be blessed and to store up treasure in heaven.
I shall not cling to material possessions,
I shall not trust in financial gain,
I shall not delight in worldly success.
For my hope is more solid, more certain than this.
A career will not satisfy my heart
Success will not feed my spirit
Nor money sustain me.
Where does my hope come from?
My hope comes from the Lord,
In whom I dwell,
In whom I trust,
In whom I delight,
For he will bless me with the desires of my heart.
My joy is in my Father,
My hope is steadfast and true,
He stores my treasure not here on earth but where I belong in heaven.
For this is do not seek worldly success or security,
Instead I see the treasure I am promised in the eyes of the child smiling up at his mother as she sings sweetly in his ear.
As I observe and learn and do this mother invests in me,
As I observe and learn and do this mother invests in the future of my family,
As I observe and learn and do I invest my heart and my Father invests in me.
I shall not cling to material possessions,
I shall not trust in financial gain,
I shall not delight in worldly success.
For my hope is more solid, more certain than this.
A career will not satisfy my heart
Success will not feed my spirit
Nor money sustain me.
Where does my hope come from?
My hope comes from the Lord,
In whom I dwell,
In whom I trust,
In whom I delight,
For he will bless me with the desires of my heart.
My joy is in my Father,
My hope is steadfast and true,
He stores my treasure not here on earth but where I belong in heaven.
For this is do not seek worldly success or security,
Instead I see the treasure I am promised in the eyes of the child smiling up at his mother as she sings sweetly in his ear.
As I observe and learn and do this mother invests in me,
As I observe and learn and do this mother invests in the future of my family,
As I observe and learn and do I invest my heart and my Father invests in me.
Friday 13 August 2010
Little Mothers
I think every little girl is a 'little mother'. They love to play with dollies, have make believe tea parties and keep house. I had a little room in my grandmother's upstairs which was my house. I loved to go up there and rock in the rocking chair with my baby doll. I even had a full sized buggy for that doll. But what about when you are too old for playing dollies but, although you have maternal instincts which long to be fulfilled, you do not yet have your own family?
I believe that you can 'mother' without actually being a mother yourself. My children are so blessed to have many wonderful young women in their lives who love to spend time with them and practise their mothering skills in the process. One of these 'little mothers' is our dear friend, Mary. Despite having a degree in Christian youth and children's work, Mary is unable to work at the moment. And although she is presently engaged in a Godly courtship, she does not have current wedding plans. So what does she do in this time of waiting? Does she while away her time dreaming of what might be in the future? No, she prepares for the future by spending time with families wherein she can practise her parenting skills and gain other domestic insights for her future life as a wife and mother. But what if she never marries, I hear you say, what a waste it would be then. Not so. For Mary's time spent with our family does not just benefit her; it has enormous impact on my boys that she is in their lives. They love to spend time with her and engage in many fun activities such as blackberry picking, visiting the play park, baking and gardening. And they learn much about their heavenly Father from spending time with such a Godly young woman.
The Titus 2 model of young women being taught by older women is sadly overlooked in today's churches. Don't misunderstand me, I am not claiming to have taught Mary very much in the way of parenting; she was pretty much streets ahead of me from the beginning. However, by spending time as part of our family, she has had a safe space in which to develop and practise her ideas about parenting. And I have valued her help enormously. I would love to see other families adopting young women in this way. In our experience, it is a blessing to all involved.
Sunday 8 August 2010
Is There Life After High School? By Audra Thrower
This article is reproduced from The King's Daughter's Website. It is interesting to me as I went down the conventional road of Uni and then a 'professional' career. I have to say that, aside from meeting my lovely hubby, I can't say that I gained much from Uni that was positive. I did accrue a sinful lifestyle and a load of debt; I so wish I had followed the author's path and chosen to train for my current role as a wife and mother. We would love to hear of your experiences in this area.
www.thekingsdaughtermag.com
Graduation. A day filled with excitement, family, and fun. But underneath it all lies the question, “What happens next?” With thousands of possibilities in the world, which one should you choose?
www.thekingsdaughtermag.com
Graduation. A day filled with excitement, family, and fun. But underneath it all lies the question, “What happens next?” With thousands of possibilities in the world, which one should you choose?
I would like to take a moment and tell you in a few words the path I have chosen.
I graduated in May of 2002, and I am very busy with my “higher education” J. Our family has chosen not to go the way of “normal” college, so I shall complete my studies here at home.
Because I am very interested in home skills, and believe that God has called me to be a wife and mother someday, my mother has put together an extensive home economics course for me. I make at least three full meals a week (at least, that was the plan; I cook almost every meal J). I am now in charge of cleaning, hunting for recipes, washing muddy children J, and mega cooking. I enjoy it very much, especially the mega cooking.
Mega cooking is when I set a day aside and make multiple batches of food to freeze. It makes food preparation easy, and helps out when in a pinch. For example, on a given day I make fifteen loaves of bread and five pizza crusts. Then we have pizza for supper – yum!
Another aspect of my home economics course is teaching younger siblings (or child training J). I share the teaching of my younger brother with my dad. I teach my brother math one or two days a week. It is really fun to see how he is learning! Teaching my brother also lightens my mother’s load so she is free to teach the other children and run the household.
Here are some suggestions for the new graduate, or for those approaching that milestone:
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Write down the things that you are interested in.
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Talk over your list with your parents. They have lived longer than you and can give you many helpful insights for the future.
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Pray about your choice(s).
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Come back to your list after a week or so and reevaluate what you have written. You would be surprised at what can change!
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Choose from your list a few of the items that you are most interested in.
May God bless you in this important time in your life! Keep your eyes on the Lord.
Friday 6 August 2010
A cautionary tale about dating non Christian boys (or men).
A friend asked me to share her testimony with you all. I hope it helps explain why we at Hope Chest feel that Christian young women should not be 'unequally yoked' with unbelievers.
I came from a Christian family but when I was a teenager there were very few Christian boys to date, so I dated non Christian boys. I wasn’t aware of the pattern at the time, but there is a correlation between dating non Christians and losing faith. The Christian rarely brings the non Christian into the faith but the non Christian often reduces the Christian to non Christian status, it happens very slowly, you are completely unaware of it happening but one day you are not a Christian. This is what happened to me, it happened over a period of maybe 4 years but by the time I finally married my husband I definitely was not a Christian, although I wasn’t really aware of it. I thought I was free of the overbearing laws of the Church, but couldn’t really tell you what they were other than the chore of getting up in time for church on a Sunday and perhaps the bore of being told everything I was doing wrong for 15 or 20 minutes.
I had no interest in churchy things until I had my first child when I suddenly looked at my life standards in a new light. I realised that if my child rebelled against my standards as I had my parent’s standards that she could only get worse than me. Not a happy thought. So I decided to get her a set of standards to live her life by and attended the local Church.
I got the impression that I had to keep my child quiet so they could worship God in peace, I’m not being totally fair, there was one lady who looked after my child so I could listen to the sermon ,but mostly I didn’t feel very welcome. I only found out there was a mid week bible study after about 4 years because no one had invited me, perhaps because I had a husband and child but I wasn’t given a choice. By that time I was almost an atheist!
My husband and I moved to a new house around the time that our child began nursery, there was a group of Mums who met at that school who befriended me. They invited me to their houses for coffee, talked about Jesus like they knew him personally and loved me. I later learned that one of these Mums was a Salvation Army Captain and another, the local Baptist church Minister’s wife.
The Salvation Army captain seemed interested in my opinion of God so I said I wasn’t sure God existed, I could have sworn she knew something because she asked “do you still pray?” I was rather embarrassed at this admittance but, yes I did sometimes. So she suggested that next time I pray I ask God to prove to me that he was real. So I did. Strangely, I did like Jesus, I understood the philosophical arguments and thought that if God was real, then Jesus was exactly who he said he was.
This was not long before Pentecost 1996 and I was expecting our second child. At Pentecost that year one of my friends was confirmed as a Catholic and I was invited to the service. I went with my daughter, I listened to the sermon but most of all; I watched the Priest’s body language for signs of lying. He was telling the truth. He believed every thing he said about the Holy Spirit, the power of God and the need to be obedient even when everything you think you understand about your nature tells you to do something, you do what the bible says because it is the truth and your so called nature isn’t necessarily ‘the truth’. In other words ‘it feels right’ may be a lie.
My daughter enthusiastically dragged me up for a blessing when it was communion time, I didn’t want to go up. When the Priest touched me to bless me I felt and I think saw lightning! I staggered back and my emotions were in a mess, I wanted to laugh and cry, I looked at the Priest in shock and judging from the look on his face, he was as shocked as I was.
I returned to my seat praying to God “Ok, you are real, what do you want?” adding cheekily “and don’t shout!” In hindsight, He had to shout.
I began to attend the Baptist Church and by the time the baby was born I knew my marriage was rubbish. Some time later another Church was visiting ours and their leader did an alter call for anyone who wanted to be prayed for about anything to come to the front and receive prayer. So I went forward and asked for ‘a happy Christian marriage’. Within weeks my husband had left me! I was stunned, I thought God was going to fix my marriage, but as time went on I decided that perhaps his answer was “no”. So there I was; a single parent with not enough money to meet all my commitments and feed my children let alone clothe them when they needed new things. Every Saturday there was a crate of food on my doorstep containing virtually everything we could possibly need, the few things it didn’t contain I could buy with the tiny surplus I had when the mortgage and bills were paid. We lived like kings and I never went overdrawn during the entire period!
If I ended the story here I could tell you that even though you might do the wrong things, God loves you and will not pay you evil for evil, rather he will pay you good for evil. He will care for you and lift you up, and also meet your needs abundantly exactly as he said he would. In fact Jesus is far more merciful and loving than the majority of people you will ever meet.
It doesn’t end here though; I got hold of my husband via his parents in Wales and persuaded him with their help to let me sell the house. It took a long time to find a buyer for my old house but then had two buyers competing with each other for it, and then I found a house and prayed about it. This seemed to be right for us so I agreed a price for it, but with around 2 weeks to go until we would need to move out it became clear that they had not informed their solicitor that they had sold their house. So after some more prayer I decided to pull out of the purchase of the new house but continued with the sale of my old house. On 24th June 1999 we were going to be homeless, so I arranged for our belongings to go into storage and we camped at my parents house about 20 miles from work, school and child minder. The day after moving to my parents house the phone rang, It was an estate agent (real estate in America) telling me they had got my new house. The house was close to work, school, childminder and church. It was owned by a Christian family who needed a quick sale because they were relocating to another part of the country. The house was lovely; I bought it.
God is good, and the master of timing it appears. We needed to be back in the town by 1st September for the new school year or my daughter would have to go to another school also the seller’s job began in Exeter on September 1st. The solicitors managed to do all the legal searches in record time and they moved out 31st August 1999, we paid for the house and moved in 1st September 1999.
A hope for the future is given
After a while in the new house I felt that I should make my situation clearer and at around the same time my husband visited and wanted to discuss divorce. So I applied for divorce papers and completed them, he came to visit the children and read what I’d put in the divorce papers, remarked that I had been very kind about him and signed them. He even gave me a cheque to help with the divorce costs. So I sent them off to the court. My divorce was on its way. Most people I knew understood my situation and agreed that I had done the right thing but one or two condemned me. They said that I had committed a dreadful sin and that I should either wait fro my husband to return or wait for him to divorce me. I was quite upset and asked God for his wisdom on the subject, had I committed a sin? I was sure he was telling me to divorce. What should I do? Did he want me to stop the divorce? There might still be time. I was willing to obey God’s direction, even if it was difficult.
God spoke to me directly. One night I was lying awake trying to sleep, it had reached about 3 am and I was still awake! I had work in the morning and I was desperate, but there was no sleep, all I could hear was a voice telling me to get up and read the bible, it kept repeating itself, “Get up and read the bible” “get up and read the bible” (head under the pillow) “GET UP AND READ THE BIBLE”. So I did. I went downstairs and took the bible off the bookshelf and reached for the bible reading notes, they were not next to the bible. Strange, that is where I kept them. What should I read? It’s a big book! I looked again and there were some children’s bible reading note on the shelf where the adult notes should have been. I’m sure they were under my daughter’s bed, strange. Too tired to think too much about strange things though, I was tired. So I picked up the Children’s notes and looked up that day’s reference; Ruth 4:6-10. It was about Boaz and the ‘redeemer relative’ with the first claim over buying Naomi’s land marrying Ruth who wouldn’t do it because he had a wife already. This was strange, so I read the whole chapter, then the whole book of Ruth. I was still confused, so I ended up asking God if He minded if I went to sleep and read it again in the morning. So I went to bed and slept immediately and woke again a few minutes later totally refreshed having dreamed that God was telling me what he wanted me to understand. He said “’he’ will not remarry you because he has family commitments; the man you will marry is….” When I thought it through I realised that he had left me for another woman who he was living with, it explained everything that had confused me, and also my daughter confirmed that he was living with someone. So I did have biblical grounds for divorce. What did God mean about me marrying again? He’d said nothing about my husband dying and it was my understanding that a Christian wasn’t allowed to remarry after divorce. So began a search for why and found that Paul had said that when a non Christian becomes a Christian but their spouse doesn’t want to remain married to them (Jesus was a name my husband cited as a reason for leaving) that they are not tied to their non Christian spouse if that spouse does not want to remain married to them (1 Corinthians 7:15). God himself declared me able to remarry by telling me all about the man I’d marry, but I do think I am expected to wait for this man. Also the general issue of remarriage after divorce is not as ‘cut and dried’ as is generally thought, but that is not a subject I’m willing to debate, as far as I’m concerned, God has spoken and I will obey. Incidentally, the adult bible reading notes were back on the bookshelf the next morning and the children’s notes had vanished, they were later found under the bed upstairs in my daughter’s room. God wanted me to know that he is willing and able to cause miracles to happen for me, but not just for me, for others too. God is BIG, he is so much bigger than we are able to comprehend, so much more powerful than we give him credit for and so much more loving and willing to act directly on our behalf in this world to save us and give us that abundant life that Jesus spoke of.
In addition to telling me about the existence of a man that I’d marry, God also told me that his past would match my own and that he would tell me that he thought God was telling him to marry me, that I would know he was right and that I wouldn’t expect it. How can you know something is right and not expect it to happen? Isn’t that a contradiction, perhaps it will be so sudden that it will just happen? But I asked God how I would know. I also began to ask God whether every single Christian man was ‘the one’. Quite soon God showed me the right man in a dream. God stood behind me and showed me a man I’d never seen before; he was with 2 children who I assumed were mine (bigger girl, smaller boy, blond hair). I remember the face of the man and the hair style. I knew I hadn’t met anyone who resembled this man. I didn’t really look either, I accepted that God knew what he was doing and just made sure I did everything I could to make sure I did what he wanted me to regardless of the husband I’d been promised, I just assumed that at some point in the future our paths would cross.
Lots of time has passed
It’s been nearly 10 years since I was told to get up and read my bible; I even have a degree in theology and have even learned 1st century Greek. I have learned to really trust God even when nothing looks like it is going to turn out right, no, forget that, I have had to learn to trust God when the floor vanishes under me! Survival has depended upon it, emotionally and physically. My children have grown up and have a far more dynamic faith than I had at their ages (18 and 13), my parents were good but my childhood was a safe middle class childhood. Apart from the cancer scare when I was 5, but the bible tells us that it’s the refiner’s fire that makes us more like God and makes us more dependant upon him!
So, what about this man? I have met a man who resembles the one I was shown and whose past matches my own in many ways. I can’t see any sign that he will ever speak to me about marriage. I have to trust that God knows what he’s doing about that; whether or not he is the man that God told me about. It isn’t easy when you think you know something that someone else doesn’t, but you have to be respectful. If you are right about the person, is it the right time? Has God spoken to them yet? If not, stay silent, it is hard, but if you are right then eventually God will speak to them, however and whenever He chooses to speak to that individual. God does not seem to speak in words to everyone. Some people are slower on the uptake than others, and men seem to be slower than women with relational issues. Men are all about what they do, it’s all action and busyness. Women talk about how they feel and think deeply about it. Actually I have the impression that men don’t think about relationships much at all. They seem to go with the flow and try what is there in front of them, and keep trying until they get a decent fit. Women tend to think it through and try to consider every angle before they say yes. So may reach the correct conclusion far sooner than Mr. Right. Very frustrating!
Nearly 2 years ago I thought God wanted me to be a stay at home mum, I didn’t mind, I thought he was telling me that I’d marry the man and be a housewife. I even had people confirm that they thought God was saying that about me too. I didn’t give up work immediately though because clearly, I’m a single parent, no one else is looking after me; I have to earn an income. It’s obvious, isn’t it? I did wonder how I would cope with the transition of being financially independent to being subject to a man’s spending habits, but decided I would cope with it.
About a month or so after knowing I was to be a ‘house wife’ I was made redundant. I asked God what he wanted me to do, I dreamed that Jesus took me out of work (where he said I was doing what he had asked me) and told me to go home and look after my children now. He said that he would make sure I could afford everything I needed and that God would not fail to bring my husband to me. I considered this, if God wants me to stay at home and look after my children I have to honour this and not look for a job. So I didn’t register as unemployed. My income drastically reduced I found I managed; I had savings to cover the transition period. I have been non-employed for about 21 months now, my savings have gone and I have more going out than coming in, but once again I am solvent. I don’t know how, but I declare regularly that God will not let us down, that he will keep his promises and meet all our needs. I have also worked out that there is a difference between our idea of a need and Gods idea of a need. Every time I catch myself worrying I hand the problem to God and declare that I trust him to provide for my physical needs, health needs and emotional needs. The bigger problem is trying to catch myself before the negative thoughts and feelings take root and I begin to feel sorry for myself. It is very difficult at times and easy at other times. I find myself bombarded with negative thoughts that tell me that I’m mad to trust a revelation in a dream, but the bible tells us that we will prophesy and dream dreams in ‘the day of the Lord’(Joel 2:28-32). After all I have not yet received the fulfilment of the promise made 10 years ago. ~However the bible says that God will not let us down, He said that he would deal with the finances and he has done. I don’t think it will be difficult to make the transition between being independent and dependant now either! Great, take it, have the responsibility, tell me how much I can spend, it will be more than it is now I’m sure!
Desires of the heart
I pray regularly about this situation obviously, there are a few things that constitute ‘the desires of my heart’, firstly I asked God to align my desires to his desires. Then when there didn’t seem to be any chance that I was right about getting a husband I double checked with God. Is this your dream or mine? If it is mine then please give me another dream, let this one die but please do it quickly. The dream remained, in fact it got bigger, now it includes having more children if not naturally then by adoption, or both. Even as a teenager I dreamed about having a large family (and a large house to house us all in). So I have been praying about what we will need if I’m right about the adoption or childbirth dream. If I’m wrong I hope it fades quickly. The longer it takes for my dreams, the promise to be fulfilled, the bigger I’m asking. If I haven’t reached the extent of God’s dreams for me I will keep going until I do reach it. God is the owner of the universe and it’s out of His own riches that he supplies us. He does not need to restrict another persons dream in order to supply our own. Except in relationships, clearly if God has already stated a particular couple should marry, then no matter how many times you ask, God will say “no”, and to force the issue would be disobedience and will lead to unhappiness which no amount of praying will heal until you get into line with God’s plans for your life; the sooner the better really.
Also while I’m on this subject there are a few ‘rules’ that it would be advisable to obey, do not ask God to give you a married man. I do not mean that you would ask for such complications in advance; simply do not take a fancy to a man who is already married. If a man that God has declared you to marry is married at the time he tells you he will probably not let you meet him until the time is right (he is not married any longer), so that you do not sin. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because you have feelings for a married man, and that he seems to return your feelings, that God is saying that you can break up a marriage. You can’t. God may end a marriage, I know this is controversial, but where there is sin, God knows whether the sinful party will repent or not before they enter another marriage, we don’t. He also knows what permanent damage could be done by allowing sin to continue indefinitely, god is slow to anger and swift to bless and asks the same of us; but God may still end a marriage. Do not assume that you know this in advance in any given situation, and have nothing to do with a man if he is married and you think God has told you to marry him. If you are right wait until God brings you back together after the event of the divorce or even bereavement, do nothing to prevent the existing marriage being healed and fruitful. Remember you may be wrong, just as I may be wrong about the identity of the man I think God has shown me.
I came from a Christian family but when I was a teenager there were very few Christian boys to date, so I dated non Christian boys. I wasn’t aware of the pattern at the time, but there is a correlation between dating non Christians and losing faith. The Christian rarely brings the non Christian into the faith but the non Christian often reduces the Christian to non Christian status, it happens very slowly, you are completely unaware of it happening but one day you are not a Christian. This is what happened to me, it happened over a period of maybe 4 years but by the time I finally married my husband I definitely was not a Christian, although I wasn’t really aware of it. I thought I was free of the overbearing laws of the Church, but couldn’t really tell you what they were other than the chore of getting up in time for church on a Sunday and perhaps the bore of being told everything I was doing wrong for 15 or 20 minutes.
I had no interest in churchy things until I had my first child when I suddenly looked at my life standards in a new light. I realised that if my child rebelled against my standards as I had my parent’s standards that she could only get worse than me. Not a happy thought. So I decided to get her a set of standards to live her life by and attended the local Church.
I got the impression that I had to keep my child quiet so they could worship God in peace, I’m not being totally fair, there was one lady who looked after my child so I could listen to the sermon ,but mostly I didn’t feel very welcome. I only found out there was a mid week bible study after about 4 years because no one had invited me, perhaps because I had a husband and child but I wasn’t given a choice. By that time I was almost an atheist!
My husband and I moved to a new house around the time that our child began nursery, there was a group of Mums who met at that school who befriended me. They invited me to their houses for coffee, talked about Jesus like they knew him personally and loved me. I later learned that one of these Mums was a Salvation Army Captain and another, the local Baptist church Minister’s wife.
The Salvation Army captain seemed interested in my opinion of God so I said I wasn’t sure God existed, I could have sworn she knew something because she asked “do you still pray?” I was rather embarrassed at this admittance but, yes I did sometimes. So she suggested that next time I pray I ask God to prove to me that he was real. So I did. Strangely, I did like Jesus, I understood the philosophical arguments and thought that if God was real, then Jesus was exactly who he said he was.
This was not long before Pentecost 1996 and I was expecting our second child. At Pentecost that year one of my friends was confirmed as a Catholic and I was invited to the service. I went with my daughter, I listened to the sermon but most of all; I watched the Priest’s body language for signs of lying. He was telling the truth. He believed every thing he said about the Holy Spirit, the power of God and the need to be obedient even when everything you think you understand about your nature tells you to do something, you do what the bible says because it is the truth and your so called nature isn’t necessarily ‘the truth’. In other words ‘it feels right’ may be a lie.
My daughter enthusiastically dragged me up for a blessing when it was communion time, I didn’t want to go up. When the Priest touched me to bless me I felt and I think saw lightning! I staggered back and my emotions were in a mess, I wanted to laugh and cry, I looked at the Priest in shock and judging from the look on his face, he was as shocked as I was.
I returned to my seat praying to God “Ok, you are real, what do you want?” adding cheekily “and don’t shout!” In hindsight, He had to shout.
I began to attend the Baptist Church and by the time the baby was born I knew my marriage was rubbish. Some time later another Church was visiting ours and their leader did an alter call for anyone who wanted to be prayed for about anything to come to the front and receive prayer. So I went forward and asked for ‘a happy Christian marriage’. Within weeks my husband had left me! I was stunned, I thought God was going to fix my marriage, but as time went on I decided that perhaps his answer was “no”. So there I was; a single parent with not enough money to meet all my commitments and feed my children let alone clothe them when they needed new things. Every Saturday there was a crate of food on my doorstep containing virtually everything we could possibly need, the few things it didn’t contain I could buy with the tiny surplus I had when the mortgage and bills were paid. We lived like kings and I never went overdrawn during the entire period!
If I ended the story here I could tell you that even though you might do the wrong things, God loves you and will not pay you evil for evil, rather he will pay you good for evil. He will care for you and lift you up, and also meet your needs abundantly exactly as he said he would. In fact Jesus is far more merciful and loving than the majority of people you will ever meet.
It doesn’t end here though; I got hold of my husband via his parents in Wales and persuaded him with their help to let me sell the house. It took a long time to find a buyer for my old house but then had two buyers competing with each other for it, and then I found a house and prayed about it. This seemed to be right for us so I agreed a price for it, but with around 2 weeks to go until we would need to move out it became clear that they had not informed their solicitor that they had sold their house. So after some more prayer I decided to pull out of the purchase of the new house but continued with the sale of my old house. On 24th June 1999 we were going to be homeless, so I arranged for our belongings to go into storage and we camped at my parents house about 20 miles from work, school and child minder. The day after moving to my parents house the phone rang, It was an estate agent (real estate in America) telling me they had got my new house. The house was close to work, school, childminder and church. It was owned by a Christian family who needed a quick sale because they were relocating to another part of the country. The house was lovely; I bought it.
God is good, and the master of timing it appears. We needed to be back in the town by 1st September for the new school year or my daughter would have to go to another school also the seller’s job began in Exeter on September 1st. The solicitors managed to do all the legal searches in record time and they moved out 31st August 1999, we paid for the house and moved in 1st September 1999.
A hope for the future is given
After a while in the new house I felt that I should make my situation clearer and at around the same time my husband visited and wanted to discuss divorce. So I applied for divorce papers and completed them, he came to visit the children and read what I’d put in the divorce papers, remarked that I had been very kind about him and signed them. He even gave me a cheque to help with the divorce costs. So I sent them off to the court. My divorce was on its way. Most people I knew understood my situation and agreed that I had done the right thing but one or two condemned me. They said that I had committed a dreadful sin and that I should either wait fro my husband to return or wait for him to divorce me. I was quite upset and asked God for his wisdom on the subject, had I committed a sin? I was sure he was telling me to divorce. What should I do? Did he want me to stop the divorce? There might still be time. I was willing to obey God’s direction, even if it was difficult.
God spoke to me directly. One night I was lying awake trying to sleep, it had reached about 3 am and I was still awake! I had work in the morning and I was desperate, but there was no sleep, all I could hear was a voice telling me to get up and read the bible, it kept repeating itself, “Get up and read the bible” “get up and read the bible” (head under the pillow) “GET UP AND READ THE BIBLE”. So I did. I went downstairs and took the bible off the bookshelf and reached for the bible reading notes, they were not next to the bible. Strange, that is where I kept them. What should I read? It’s a big book! I looked again and there were some children’s bible reading note on the shelf where the adult notes should have been. I’m sure they were under my daughter’s bed, strange. Too tired to think too much about strange things though, I was tired. So I picked up the Children’s notes and looked up that day’s reference; Ruth 4:6-10. It was about Boaz and the ‘redeemer relative’ with the first claim over buying Naomi’s land marrying Ruth who wouldn’t do it because he had a wife already. This was strange, so I read the whole chapter, then the whole book of Ruth. I was still confused, so I ended up asking God if He minded if I went to sleep and read it again in the morning. So I went to bed and slept immediately and woke again a few minutes later totally refreshed having dreamed that God was telling me what he wanted me to understand. He said “’he’ will not remarry you because he has family commitments; the man you will marry is….” When I thought it through I realised that he had left me for another woman who he was living with, it explained everything that had confused me, and also my daughter confirmed that he was living with someone. So I did have biblical grounds for divorce. What did God mean about me marrying again? He’d said nothing about my husband dying and it was my understanding that a Christian wasn’t allowed to remarry after divorce. So began a search for why and found that Paul had said that when a non Christian becomes a Christian but their spouse doesn’t want to remain married to them (Jesus was a name my husband cited as a reason for leaving) that they are not tied to their non Christian spouse if that spouse does not want to remain married to them (1 Corinthians 7:15). God himself declared me able to remarry by telling me all about the man I’d marry, but I do think I am expected to wait for this man. Also the general issue of remarriage after divorce is not as ‘cut and dried’ as is generally thought, but that is not a subject I’m willing to debate, as far as I’m concerned, God has spoken and I will obey. Incidentally, the adult bible reading notes were back on the bookshelf the next morning and the children’s notes had vanished, they were later found under the bed upstairs in my daughter’s room. God wanted me to know that he is willing and able to cause miracles to happen for me, but not just for me, for others too. God is BIG, he is so much bigger than we are able to comprehend, so much more powerful than we give him credit for and so much more loving and willing to act directly on our behalf in this world to save us and give us that abundant life that Jesus spoke of.
In addition to telling me about the existence of a man that I’d marry, God also told me that his past would match my own and that he would tell me that he thought God was telling him to marry me, that I would know he was right and that I wouldn’t expect it. How can you know something is right and not expect it to happen? Isn’t that a contradiction, perhaps it will be so sudden that it will just happen? But I asked God how I would know. I also began to ask God whether every single Christian man was ‘the one’. Quite soon God showed me the right man in a dream. God stood behind me and showed me a man I’d never seen before; he was with 2 children who I assumed were mine (bigger girl, smaller boy, blond hair). I remember the face of the man and the hair style. I knew I hadn’t met anyone who resembled this man. I didn’t really look either, I accepted that God knew what he was doing and just made sure I did everything I could to make sure I did what he wanted me to regardless of the husband I’d been promised, I just assumed that at some point in the future our paths would cross.
Lots of time has passed
It’s been nearly 10 years since I was told to get up and read my bible; I even have a degree in theology and have even learned 1st century Greek. I have learned to really trust God even when nothing looks like it is going to turn out right, no, forget that, I have had to learn to trust God when the floor vanishes under me! Survival has depended upon it, emotionally and physically. My children have grown up and have a far more dynamic faith than I had at their ages (18 and 13), my parents were good but my childhood was a safe middle class childhood. Apart from the cancer scare when I was 5, but the bible tells us that it’s the refiner’s fire that makes us more like God and makes us more dependant upon him!
So, what about this man? I have met a man who resembles the one I was shown and whose past matches my own in many ways. I can’t see any sign that he will ever speak to me about marriage. I have to trust that God knows what he’s doing about that; whether or not he is the man that God told me about. It isn’t easy when you think you know something that someone else doesn’t, but you have to be respectful. If you are right about the person, is it the right time? Has God spoken to them yet? If not, stay silent, it is hard, but if you are right then eventually God will speak to them, however and whenever He chooses to speak to that individual. God does not seem to speak in words to everyone. Some people are slower on the uptake than others, and men seem to be slower than women with relational issues. Men are all about what they do, it’s all action and busyness. Women talk about how they feel and think deeply about it. Actually I have the impression that men don’t think about relationships much at all. They seem to go with the flow and try what is there in front of them, and keep trying until they get a decent fit. Women tend to think it through and try to consider every angle before they say yes. So may reach the correct conclusion far sooner than Mr. Right. Very frustrating!
Nearly 2 years ago I thought God wanted me to be a stay at home mum, I didn’t mind, I thought he was telling me that I’d marry the man and be a housewife. I even had people confirm that they thought God was saying that about me too. I didn’t give up work immediately though because clearly, I’m a single parent, no one else is looking after me; I have to earn an income. It’s obvious, isn’t it? I did wonder how I would cope with the transition of being financially independent to being subject to a man’s spending habits, but decided I would cope with it.
About a month or so after knowing I was to be a ‘house wife’ I was made redundant. I asked God what he wanted me to do, I dreamed that Jesus took me out of work (where he said I was doing what he had asked me) and told me to go home and look after my children now. He said that he would make sure I could afford everything I needed and that God would not fail to bring my husband to me. I considered this, if God wants me to stay at home and look after my children I have to honour this and not look for a job. So I didn’t register as unemployed. My income drastically reduced I found I managed; I had savings to cover the transition period. I have been non-employed for about 21 months now, my savings have gone and I have more going out than coming in, but once again I am solvent. I don’t know how, but I declare regularly that God will not let us down, that he will keep his promises and meet all our needs. I have also worked out that there is a difference between our idea of a need and Gods idea of a need. Every time I catch myself worrying I hand the problem to God and declare that I trust him to provide for my physical needs, health needs and emotional needs. The bigger problem is trying to catch myself before the negative thoughts and feelings take root and I begin to feel sorry for myself. It is very difficult at times and easy at other times. I find myself bombarded with negative thoughts that tell me that I’m mad to trust a revelation in a dream, but the bible tells us that we will prophesy and dream dreams in ‘the day of the Lord’(Joel 2:28-32). After all I have not yet received the fulfilment of the promise made 10 years ago. ~However the bible says that God will not let us down, He said that he would deal with the finances and he has done. I don’t think it will be difficult to make the transition between being independent and dependant now either! Great, take it, have the responsibility, tell me how much I can spend, it will be more than it is now I’m sure!
Desires of the heart
I pray regularly about this situation obviously, there are a few things that constitute ‘the desires of my heart’, firstly I asked God to align my desires to his desires. Then when there didn’t seem to be any chance that I was right about getting a husband I double checked with God. Is this your dream or mine? If it is mine then please give me another dream, let this one die but please do it quickly. The dream remained, in fact it got bigger, now it includes having more children if not naturally then by adoption, or both. Even as a teenager I dreamed about having a large family (and a large house to house us all in). So I have been praying about what we will need if I’m right about the adoption or childbirth dream. If I’m wrong I hope it fades quickly. The longer it takes for my dreams, the promise to be fulfilled, the bigger I’m asking. If I haven’t reached the extent of God’s dreams for me I will keep going until I do reach it. God is the owner of the universe and it’s out of His own riches that he supplies us. He does not need to restrict another persons dream in order to supply our own. Except in relationships, clearly if God has already stated a particular couple should marry, then no matter how many times you ask, God will say “no”, and to force the issue would be disobedience and will lead to unhappiness which no amount of praying will heal until you get into line with God’s plans for your life; the sooner the better really.
Also while I’m on this subject there are a few ‘rules’ that it would be advisable to obey, do not ask God to give you a married man. I do not mean that you would ask for such complications in advance; simply do not take a fancy to a man who is already married. If a man that God has declared you to marry is married at the time he tells you he will probably not let you meet him until the time is right (he is not married any longer), so that you do not sin. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because you have feelings for a married man, and that he seems to return your feelings, that God is saying that you can break up a marriage. You can’t. God may end a marriage, I know this is controversial, but where there is sin, God knows whether the sinful party will repent or not before they enter another marriage, we don’t. He also knows what permanent damage could be done by allowing sin to continue indefinitely, god is slow to anger and swift to bless and asks the same of us; but God may still end a marriage. Do not assume that you know this in advance in any given situation, and have nothing to do with a man if he is married and you think God has told you to marry him. If you are right wait until God brings you back together after the event of the divorce or even bereavement, do nothing to prevent the existing marriage being healed and fruitful. Remember you may be wrong, just as I may be wrong about the identity of the man I think God has shown me.
Thursday 5 August 2010
I don't have a hope chest, I have a hope house!
OK, seriously, I do have the oak blanket chest my Dad made in 1960 with the help of his Dad in preparation for his wedding to my Mum which was on 3rd September 1960 (fondly remembered in our house as 'the day war broke out'). I also have the key for it somewhere! Must conduct a thorough search.
My Mum has always told me the tale of meeting my Dad. She was a shy girl, often ill with serious illnesses as a child during the second world war. Her family were Christians, they attended their local Baptist church in Nottingham, England.
Not really liking her own Mother's attention to 'introducing' her to possible suitors. Mum reached her mid twenties and began to think, "I really do want to get married and have children, but I'm shy. I don't like the men Mother introduces me to", I think she was actually embarrassed by the way her Mum tried to 'fix her up'. So she asked God for His help. Mum was a typist and soon after this, she changed jobs and began to work for the Electricity board. A young man worked there as an accountant, he was very nice apparently, and quite attentive, bought her pink carnations (her favourite flowers)...
My Dad says he didn't like the girls in the office much. He didn't like their character. They seemed to be out hunting men all the time, and they wore flashy clothes and 'troweled' the make up on their faces! Then one day he saw another girl, nothing like the others. She was fresh faced and nice (and no make up, well, perhaps a little lipstick). One day driving home from work, he saw her get off the bus at Tollerton, the village outside Nottingham where he lived with his family. He made sure that he offered her a lift home every day for the rest of the week! Dad 'knew'!
Mum say's that she was staying with her brother who lived very close to Dad's family while her parents were away on holiday. In those days nice young ladies were not left alone at home. Her brother was home one day and spotted Dad's big car stopping outside and his little sister getting out. Questions followed, He wasn't angry, just concerned for Mum's safety. The flowers followed, "He's serious" Uncle Dennis remarked when he saw them.
The following week Dad offered Mum a lift home again, "No, thank you", she said, "I'm not staying with my brother now, I'm back home with Mum and Dad." I can imagine Dad's reply, "The car will cope." Dad went out very early every morning and every evening to take and fetch his Father from the station to reduce his father's travelling time,so he really wasn't bothered at all, besides there was more at stake here than petrol!
The rest is history, well apart from the bit where my Dad teases my Mum, telling the tale that she hinted that she wanted to get married by lingering outside every jeweller's shop window they passed. She tells it a little differently (needless to state), He asked her to marry him a little too soon for her comfort, she thought he was the one, but she wasn't ready to commit herself. So she told him she didn't feel ready yet. She would let him know when she was ready. Only she was shy, so she hinted.
Oh, and I didn't mention, my dad was a Christian too, he switched from Church of England to Baptist when they married, for no reason other than it was the church they liked in the area they moved to together after their marriage. You see my Dad also had a handsome promotion at work at the time of their wedding but had to relocate to another region. So Mum and Dad did the tour of the local churches and both fixed on the Baptist church as the one for them. So God also provided them with a larger income so Mum, whose health had never been great, would not have to work outside the home once they had children. Which they did, 18 months later when my elder brother was born.
The other day, I was thinking about my parents, how close they still are, how they care for each other, how they forsake their own wants for the other ones needs and how they still look with hope to the future despite knowing that one day one of them will be left alone for a while. I was thinking this way when the thought struck me, their 50th wedding anniversary is approaching! This needs celebrating.
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